Accidents Happen

I got in a car wreck today. I was at a stop light and I was messing with my phone when I glanced up and saw that the light was green. I let off the brake, not knowing how close the car in front of me was, and I hit it before it even had to move. I got out and walked over to her car to make sure she was ok. I asked her if her neck was alright and helped her out of her car. We walked back to look at the damage and the front of my truck was pretty deep into the back of her little car.

I told her we should probably get out of the middle of the road and into a parking lot, she was hesitant at first (she probably thought I was going to try to run on her), but she agreed shortly. I backed my car out of hers and followed her to the AQ Chicken House parking lot. I called my dad and told him what happened and he told me what to do. So I called the cops and we made small talk while we waited for them to show up.

I kept telling her how sorry I was and how it was all my fault and how I was just being irresponsible, and she seemed to not be too upset. When the police officer got there, he had us fill out these sheets, and to make a long story short, I feel terrible right now.

I feel terrible for smashing the back of her car, for ruining her day, and for wasting her time. It was 100% my fault. She told me that she worked out of her car which made it twice as bad. My car only has a few scratches on it (thankfully, although it still makes me feel that much worse).

My parents don't seem that upset, although we'll see what happens whenever we find out how much we have to pay and how much my insurance goes up.

The last thing I want is a talk on responsibility and safe driving. I know the errors I made today. I was there. I feel terrible. Lesson learned. Everybody has to have their first wreck sometime, right? Maybe.

I just pray that I was able to communicate the love of Christ to that woman today. I mean, as bad as that siutation was, I probably never would have gotten to interact with her were it not for this. I was praying at the time that I would handle myself in a way that is glorifying to God and I continue to pray that now. If nothing else, I hope that woman can understand that I love her and, after that, that her Creator loves her and that my love comes from that love.

I'm a freaking idiot.

Son of a...

This is rediculous! You know, I think I know myself pretty well. I pride myself on that. That is why it is especially heart-breaking for me when I come to discover something about myself that is unexpectedly dissapointing. It turns out, much to my disbelief, that I am only 15% crunk! That is rediculous. I've always considered myself a MINIMUM 60%-75% crunk kinda guy. But, I took an online test to gauge my crunk-ness and it turns out otherwise. See for yourself:






...you think you know yourself...

Love

I'm just not a very loving person.

And how could I be? I'm a fake, filthy, rotten, ugly, self-gratifying, rebellious, self-righteous, judgemental little boy.

Luckily, God doesn't care about any of that. He has even come to dwell in my heart in the person of the Holy Spirit. And he is none of those things.

I pray that I will allow the Spirit to work in and through me--that I will not get in its way.

I want to love the way that Jesus did, the way that only God has. I want to shower everyone of I come into contact with love--pure, unconditional, selfless, agape love. I want to die to myself every day and put on the person of Christ.

I want to love the LORD God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my mind. Then, I want to love my neighbor as myself.



Donald Miller's "Blue Like Jazz" is a good book.

I need a new screenname

I'm the kind of guy that likes one screenname for all of his "internet stuff". My AIM screenname, my blogger.com login, my best buy login, my email address, everthing. One name. My current one is "Ballplaya42" (except for AIM, which is "Ballplayanum42"). I created it, literally, in 6th grade.

Its time for a new one.

The problem is that I've got nothing. I can't think of anything to replace it with. I need your help.

I am going to post this on all of my blogs, and whichever one you read this on, if you can think of any new screen name for me that is somewhat cool--or, at least, cooler than "BallPlaya", please post it. I need your help.

Thanks.

Cam

Subterranean Homesick Alien

The breath of the morning
I keep forgetting.
The smell of the warm summer air.

I live in a town
where you can't smell a thing,
you watch your feet
for cracks in the pavement.

Up above
aliens hover
making home movies
for the folks back home,

of all these weird creatures
who lock up their spirits,
drill holes in themselves
and live for their secrets.

They're all uptight, uptight,
uptight, uptight,
uptight, uptight.

I wish that they'd sweep down in a country lane,
late at night when I'm driving.
Take me on board their beautiful ship,
show me the world as I'd love to see it.

I'd tell all my friends but they'd never believe me,
They'd think that I'd finally lost it completely.
I'd show them the stars and the meaning of life.
They'd shut me away.
But I'd be alright, alright,
I'd be alright,
I'm alright.

I'm just uptight, uptight,
uptight, uptight,
uptight, uptight,
uptight, uptight,
uptight.

-"Subterranean Homesick Alien" by Radiohead

I love the band Radiohead. If you've been around me much, you probably know that. I think they are the best band around right now. They make some of the most creative, intelligent, thought-provoking, challenging, and, ultimately, engaging music that I have ever heard.

The lyrics I just posted are from the song "Subterranean Homesick Alien" off of their third, and widely regarded as their best album, OK Computer, released in 1997.

Thom Yorke, the lead singer and general mastermind behind the band, sometimes gets a bad rap for being somewhat pessimistic. Sometimes he does appear that way. I don't hear Radiohead's songs like that, however. When I hear them, I hear songs about loss, despair, hurt, need--all of these things, yes. But through them something else emerges--hope. Coming through ever-so-slightly like little rays of sunlight though tiny holes in a huge black canvas, hope permeates Radiohead's message.

The song above.

The opening two stanzas (Are they stanzas? I don't know... but it works for me...) talk about the main character's 'town'. Obviously referencing the world in general. The town has drained him and has left him dead to the simple pleasures of life ("i keep forgetting the smell of the warm summer air") and people have grown afraid of everything. False religions and superstitions have overtaken the town as people are afraid to even step on the streets' cracks (for fear of breaking their mothers' backs?).

Everyone is not in this state, however. "Up above, aliens hover, making home movies for the folks back home." These creatures, obviously unaffected by our world's fallen nature, see our sad and desolate state just for what it is--sad and desolate. They see fallen man for what he is, a "sad creature" who has "locked up his spirit," "drilled holes in himself," and has begun to "live for his secrets." They are so uptight.

The main character acknowledges that these aliens are not as desperate as us. He wants them to "abduct" him, to show him the world as they do--unbound. Unfettered. Free. Redeemed.

He realizes that if they did, no one would believe him. He would "show them the stars and the meaning of life" but they would say that he'd "lost it completely" and would "shut him away". He would be viewed as crazy. Insane. But, in the end, he would be alright.

I love this song. Lyrically and musically, this thing is just solid. Obviously, man has fallen. C.S. Lewis, in one of his books (I forgot which one I read it in) mentions that if there are, in fact, other intelligent creatures out there, that we have no right to assume that they, too, have fallen away from the Father. Now that is an amazing and challenging thought.

Fortunately, we don't need aliens to show us what we're missing. Christ came and did that for us.

But, man, what a thought.

a revelation in noise (not really)

So its Wednesday, May 11 at 12:29am. I've got "Holiday in Spain" by Counting Crows (an excellent song that Roland introduced me to) on repeat on my laptop's iTunes. This is only the third time I've ever listened to the song, but it, for some reason, is putting me in a sad and/or emotional mood.

I love how music can do that.

I love how a certain lyric or vocal melody or guitar riff or piano line or even a tempo can cause emotion to swell up inside of you. I think that that is a huge characteristic of great art--something that jumps out and forces you to respond to it. And, to take it a little further, something that challenges you.

I love how God created us to be moved by music, how a bunch of random noises can come together to create something remarkable.

19 Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 5:19-20)

Moses refers to God as his "song"

2 The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
He is my God, and I will praise him,
my father's God, and I will exalt him. (Exodus 15:2)

I think it is safe to say that a decent amount of emphasis is put on music in the bible... at least it is made known that music is a pretty big part of many believers' lives. I know its a big part of mine.


Anyways, yea, it hadn't really set in yet that I was done with high school until tonight, as Adam Duritz's voice comes out of my small laptop speakers. I'm having a serious 'moment' right now. High School is over. I'm done. Now I go to school to prepare for whatever I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Crazy.

All it took was the right combination of noises to get me to realize it.

Crazy.

Taking the 'Sex' out of 'Sexy'

David Crowder of the David Crowder band is literally my favorite person in the world right now. "But Cameron," you surely are saying, "You don't know him. He's a national recording artist from Texas and you're just a mild-mannered teenager." To that I say: you're right. But, I don't have to personally know him to think that he is the man. The guy is just funny. He is the literally the only person I can think of that makes me laugh out loud after around 80% of what he types. Yes, types. His xanga was what inspired me to make my own blog. It is just straight awesome. Roland, one of my other favorite peoples in the world, got me his book, "Praise Habit: Finding God in Sunsets and Sushi", and I've got to say it... I think I have a little bit of a man-crush on Crowder...

What?

Before I go on, let me define "man-crush" for you:

Man-crush (N) When one heterosexual male has certain feelings for another male that emulate the ones he has for a female object of his adoration. These feelings include a general longing to be near that person, giddyness when one hears that person's voice, and a general deep admiration for that person.

A cookie to anyone who can tell me whether man-crush is a noun or not and, if not, what it actually is because I have no idea. I'm an idiot.

I was first introduced to the phrase "man-crush" by the Grove's very own Drew Caperton, whom Roland introduced me to, and I have to say, it stuck with me. Caperton actually used the phrase referencing Roland, which was not surprising. I'm sure lots of dudes have had man-crushes on my firey-haired amigo. I know I have...

Now, again, there is nothing gay about it. I don't want Crowder's body. I just think he is the man.

In all seriousness, the guy is amazing. Obviously, he is one of the most talented and creative musicians in music today, Christian or otherwise. Surprisingly, however, he is a remarkable writer, as well. The guy has a genuine and true passion for God, which becomes contagious when you read him. His sense of humor is right on par with mine, too (That is not to say that I am anywhere near as funny as him, or funny at all... I just think we look at comedy in a similar way).

David crowder, I salute you.