Girls are pretty

I'm gonna be honest, sometimes I get a little lonely. Sometimes I feel like there's a little gap in my life. Sometimes I really wish I had a girl that I could really care about and that could really care about me. That would make me complete.

Then I pick up a bible and randomly start reading it and come across this verse:

"The Lord God said, 'It is not good for man to be alone.'"

And I start to think that I'm on to something. I start to think "Thats it! That's what I've been looking for! It is NOT good for me to be alone!"

But then I check out what good ole' Paul was up to:

"Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry."

or

"Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am."

or

"Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife."

Oh.

But why would Paul say something like that? Well, its almost a given:

"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife--and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a way in undivided devotion to the Lord."

Makes sense.

Its just that a wife is something that I really want. To selflessly love someone so much that I would lay down my life for them just as Christ did for the church is something I want to give to/do for someone.

I once heard Laural Eddleman say that at the moment in her life when she completely gave up worrying about finding a husband and became totally dependent on God and, essentially, became comfortable with the idea of living a life of undivided attention to the Lord, God gave her Josh.

I realize all of this, and I think its quite beautiful. Its just that sometimes its tough to not want to just jump into a relationship. I've wanted to before. Its tough to see a Godly woman and realize that I just am simply not ready to offer her anything of worth yet until I've offered God everything I have. Its hard when you want to give someone something, but you have nothing to give. I've got to get to the point where I don't worry about stuff like this. To simply live has to be Christ, and to die has to be gain.

As long as I feel like I'm "incomplete" without a "significant other", I will never deserve one.

And even now, the fear is creeping up in the back of my mind that I only want to depend on God like this simply because I think I have a better chance of getting married than without doing it. I have to truly, and I mean truly desire nothing but God. Needless to say, this is his work to do and it is my job to seek him and let him break me down. I sure as heck can't do it.

Let me rephrase the start of this post:
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I'm gonna be honest, sometimes I get a little lonely. Sometimes I feel like there's a little gap in my life. And the very fact that I think it exists is why it can't be filled.